No photos....sorry

Just a little note to mention the lack of photos this week. 2 reasons for this really - firstly it rained all day sunday and monday, and then by tuesday i was stuck by illness and have been pretty shattered since then. Don't think i'll make it to town today, certainly won't be driving there! And with the buses running once an hour through the village it means i would be able to just leave town when i wanted if i started feeling too rough.

Hopefully i'll make it to the post office in the village, i managed the 20 minute round trip yesterday but Tuesday i made it the 10 minutes down the road but then had to get a lift back after my legs decided they didn't want to walk any further, however after 2 days of rest and lots of fluids my legs seem to want to get me places again. It's given me a good chance to get lots of cross stitch done, ready for the Craft fair in a couple of weeks.

I need to get all my energy and strength back though, with a 20 hour day planned/booked next week, then the 2 day craft fair (and the possibility of joining mum and D at a party on the saturday evening), the my grandparents staying for 2 days (starting to regret that suggestion now the way i feel) and then a week away on a canal boat.......

So i think another few days sitting on my backside doing cross stitch may not be a bad thing. I've finished 3 cards so far. i will take photos of them before the fair, but just because i hate plain text here's a photo of one of my other cards that i will be exhibiting and selling.

Sunburn - i just don't learn!

I burn really easily i know that. so why don't i put sun tan lotion on when its sunny? 3 weeks or what ever it is after we had snow you just don't expect to get sun burnt. but i did. we were out in the garden saturday pretty much all day. in the morning i scarified the back lawn twice, then cut it, then scarified it again. Then i scarified the front lawn twice but left D to cut the front lawn whilst i watered my veggies and picked out the red cabbages and potted them up.
But by then the sun burn damage was already done!

On friday i planted the onion sets, carrots and parsnips, and then on sunday i planted another row of parsnips, the first lot of beetroot, a row of chard, the sugarsnap peas whilst mum leveled out the back bed, planted some runner beans, planted up the french bean plants and some of the lettuce grandpa gave us using my plastic bottle cloches to give them a little protection for a few days. i also finish doing the recycled brick border on the bigger back bed. Oh and mum and i planted up some of the Kale and sowed some spinach in front of the runners. Was that all? ummmm - no wait, on saturday mum and i planted up the 3 tied hanging basket with the strawberry plants, it's still on the wall so far - the bracket seems to be holding its weight!

Bex and Sarah on BBC south news for Cancervive.

As a follow up to the Newspaper article i blogged about Bex let me know tonight that she was going to be on BBC south news. sadly not living in sussex anymore i couldn't see it on TV but thanks to the internet i know have it saved on my laptop. I remember when Pam died and the pain and distress, but for it to happen a 2nd time......I'm so proud of them. they are the only friends i kept in touch with after i moved to essex and i'm so glad i have.

Video

Sussex Argus: Achiever of the year awards 2008

 

My Best Friend from my childhood in the Sussex The Argus website:

 

http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/generalnews/display.var.2153088.0.sisters_find_strength_from_tragedy_to_help_others.php

Herts and Essex Observer Newspaper - Self Harm feature

Sadly it didn't get published in time for Self Injury Awareness Day on 1st March but it was published nevertheless in the 20th March edition.

Mum asked me why i felt i needed to share my story - well, it was only though reading an article in a magazine that my only friend who knew at school gave to me that i realised i wasn't alone and wasn't the only person who cut herself. So my hope is that maybe there are other young people or in fact older people who can realise that there is help out there. Unfortunately they got both the URLs at the bottom wrong but if people want to find out more i'm sure they will google them.

Herts and Essex Observer - Complaints Letter

Last week i wrote a complaint and sent i via email to my local newspaper, and this week as the Ed said in his emai reply he published it this week:

although i disagree with the Ed - i don't think anything justifies showing a picture as close-up and graphic as that! the image was of an injury cause by a football stud to a player's knee during a womans football match. the text with the image described the injury as 7 inches across and needing something like 16 stitches! well on the paper the picture size was 4 inches across and the wound took up the size of the photo.

and it seems i wasn't the only person upset my the picture.

On the plus side though, the editor has agree to do a feature on Self Harm for SIAD (Self Injury Awareness Day) on 1st March. He said he will get one of his team to email me next week sometime. i mentioned my history of self harm in my original email but the Ed checked if i wanted that published and although i don't feel i have to hide it - i mean everyone i know from my past who may read the newspaper probably knows anyway - i decided its wasn't appropriate to include in my published complaint, after all i think the image would affect any ordinary person!

Baa Humbug even more than before

it's almost 6.30am and i'm awake! Grrrrrr! i eventually turned my laptop off about half past midnight - which means 6 hours of disturbed sleep. Oh i'm going to be the biggest grouch today! i heard on the radio that 6 out of 10 people will be asleep by 4.22pm on Christmas Day and this year i think i might be one of them!

i've made a sweet honey and lemon drink to try and ease the pain but now my nose is starting to run as well. the pain is worse than when i went to bed last night (or technically earlier this morning).

i was going to starting saying about how i wished my anorexic demons would go away so i could have a cough sweet with out worrying about calories but i've just remembered we used to have some numbing throat spray so once i've finished my drink i'll go hunt that down and maybe i might be able to get back to sleep!

All i want for christmas........is not a cold virus and sore throat!!!!

just went things were hard enough, i woke up this morning feeling like i'd swallowed a fish bone or a razor blade! but i haven't been near either of those items in ages - the first, a few weeks, the latter over a year!! added to that a headache, sneezing (which has just started) and feeling even more drained than i already do and i have a very unwelcome christmas gift to myself!
doesn't help when i'm feeling low anyway. but can't be helped so will just mean extra effort in being "ok" - or the perfect excuse to not be "ok".

i've got a huge supply of bottle top to keep me occupied, however i've just realised i've run out of 3D varnish. but i still have to take the plastic seals out of the latest lot i picked up from the pub today. my magnetic strip arrived from ebay, i was at least able to make shane's into a magnet and get that wrapped and delivered before christmas.

i cut up some magazines and gave some images a trial go. i was quite pleased with the way they worked out really.

i took some more photos of my lanterns the other night as well, once i'd cleaned them up, put new candles in and then managed to get them all lit! one of those things i think is it worth the effort - but then i think, well, it's handmade, personal and saving electricity.

The Best GP Surgery

ok, time to take a big step here. i'm going to take the risk of blogging about my mental state and personal life. mum if you are reading this, don't be worried, i'm ok. read to the end of the post and you'll see.

i made a snap decision to get an emergency appointment today before my emotions took even more of a hold than they already are. My GP it seemed is away think week and although i knew the duty GP i don't know her as well as i do the Nurse Practitioner who was also there this afternoon.

So i asked to see Janet the nurse practitioner instead. and i'm so glad i did. she helped me to see a few things more clearly. firstly just accept the digi box from mum gratefully and don't read anything more into it. she reminded me of the generous trait in my personality and how much i enjoy giving things to others, and how when i do that i don't look for things in return. so thats what i'm going to tell mum tonight.

she told me how far i'd come in the 8/9 years i'd known her. in the past i would have been seeing her for stitches not a chat. and that would have been only a couple of years ago. she said how my thinking had matured and the way i deal with my feelings and depression.

i went in there booked myself in, hid in a corner in the waiting room away from other people and sat there with tears rolling down my face. Janet agreed that perhaps i should have made an appointment earlier but we recognised that the whole running away from help is part of the demons inside of me. she booked me in with my GP for monday morning there and then.

the news is always going on about improvements needed for GP surgeries, the news today is saying about longer hours for those who work/have family life to sort etc. now i know i don't fall into those categories but my surgery has saved my life quite literally several times over the past 10 years. the receptionists are so wonderful and have looked after me on many occasion. i've had my GP turn up at my house when i've been in trouble. they open til 6.30pm and start at 8.30am.

i wish there was some way i could show recognition of all they've done. christmas cards and edible christmas treats or a summer edible treat just aren't enough. they've gone above and beyond for me and i have no doubts that i wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for them.

ok i'm going to stop now before the tears start again. another reason i realised seeing Janet was the right thing to do and also how i had changed. normally i would have left in tears too but today i left feeling mentally stronger than when i went in.