Like a Proud Parent........

For the first time this year i tried growing some squash and pumpkin plants mainly because i only really started eating it towards the end of last year when i went veggie mad. so i saved some seeds from the veg i bought from the supermarket and then planted them at the beginning of this year.

of course when i then potted up the seedlings from the seed tray i forgot to label them.... i knew i had butternut squash, pumpkin and acorn squash - but other than that they all looked so similar and i knew until the fruit started to develop i would be none the wiser. An element of suprise in the garden is always fun! i also managed to aquire a few self set plants as well!

so here's a photo diary of a squash plant's life and death:

23rd March 2007

24th March 2007

29th March 2007

May 6th 2007

22nd May 2007

2nd July

2nd August 2007

16th September 2007

I harvested my first butternut squash the other night (7th October), grinning like a proud parent. it was the smaller of the 2 that has grown but it seemed to have started to crack and split. initially i didn't think it was ripe as the skin still had green is on the outside, however when i gave it a tap it sounded quite hollow, so i decided to bring it in and have it for dinner.

i left it on the windows sill for a couple of days, in the hope it might ripen some more. i'm not sure whether it actually did anything to help or not. however what i was suprised to find when i cut it in half was the lack of seeds, however this was also some thing i noticed with Nan's home grown Romero peppers (she has the luxury of a greenhouse so has far more success with these than i do - my plants haven't even managed flowers this year. i think i left it a bit late though)

anyway the flesh felt firm yet juicy and tasted superb, so i decided to proceed and put it in the over to bake, which gave to time to decide exactly what i was going to create with this prescious vegetable. i decided on a butternut, fennel and goats cheese bake with red onion.

one the butternut was cooked i peeled off the skin and mashed it with the goats cheese, mixed in the diced/chopped fennel and put a layer in the bottom of my new individual gratin dish (no expense spared - 99p from wilkos!) then i put a layer of sliced red onion and topped with another layerof the butternut mix.

i had a bit of the cooked butternut left over, a nice little snack with some balsamic vinegar, while i was waiting for dinner to cook! i certainly wasn't going to waste any of my beautiful butternut.

Almost as good as venice.....

Well this is the cuttlefish risotto i had at the seafood festival in Hastings at the end of September:


i also had a look though my Flickr album for photos of the cuttlefish i had in its ink in Venice. but there are only "the aftermath" photos of me with black lips. that wasn't a risotto though, that was simply the cuttlefish in an inky sauce served with grilled polenta.

anyway so my expensive squid and ink sacs (she did give me an extra ink sac just in case one burst) came to just under £7 in the end. it was a fairly large squid i will admit but still I'm sure the fishmonger in Ongar would have some cheaper than £19.50/kg!!!!


anyway so i was torn between serving it on some wholewheat pasta or as a risotto, but i settled on the latter. i chopped and sweated off some spring onions (i couldn't be bothered to go to the shed and get a whole onion) and 1/2 a clove garlic then added the risotto rice. i used veggie stock to add to the rice and then started making a real mess in trying to burst the ink sacs and add the ink. i was quite surprised at how thick the ink was. it was more like the thickness of runny honey rather than a liquid.

i chopped the body of the squid into rings and chopped up the tentacles and added them once the rice was cooked and i had turned the heat off.

this was the final dish:

and it was delicious. if the ongar fishmonger sells whole fresh squid and ink at a cheaper rate then i will certainly be doing that one again!

Lunch at The Company Shed

well, i've had a craving for seafood satisfied - for now at least. not sure how long that will last though. i meant to take photos while we were there, but after putting our name on the list, half hour later i had forgotten about all that as my appetite was far more important by that time!

we shared a table with another couple, and later on as we were finishing our meal, a different couple (newbies to the experience we quickly realised). there are 2 things about waiting for a table, one you can work out what you want to order before you sit down and secondly your appetite has increased enough so that by the time you get your order you are able to eat all of the wonders that you get served.

we ordered, between the 3 of us:

• platter for one (£8.50) which included cockles, a green lip mussel, a crevette, shell on prawns, shell off prawns, smoked mackerel, smoken salmon and half a crab.
• 6 grilled green lip mussels with a herb and parmesan crust (£3.50)
• 3 scallops pan fired in butter with crispy bacon (£3.50)
• a mixed salad bowl (mixed lettuce, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, red onion) (£3.50)
• a whole cooked crab (£4.50)

i was simply in the mood for crab, so the whole crab was for me! and i enjoyed every last little bit of it. i think i could eat that everyday if i had access to it. but i don't think i can really justify driving to Ongar every day and spending £5 on dinner each day. although dinner tonight cost almost £7 for the main ingredient alone! (squid from an expessive food store).

after lunch we took a walk along the coast to pick some samphire.

when we got back to the pontoon there were lots of people on the end, we thought it was just people crabbing with their kids, but there was a seal very close off the end of the water.

after a quick cuppa and a reheated frozen scone at The Coast Inn it was time to head home.

a thoroughly enjoyable day all round.

Can you tell it's been a bad day?

it really has been one of those days. after a bad night with upsetting dreams, i woke up feeling very low and tearful. i don't think turning my light off any earlier would have helped but it was midnight when i finally did turn i off.

i achieved nothing at all this morning. i sat on my bed with my laptop, emailing mum. she mentioned someone had a wheelbarrow with apples out in Sheering with a sign saying "Help yourself". so i did. 5 Brambleys about the right size for baking. but driving there i promptly burst into tears.

anyway whilst out i picked up some more beetroot from the lady at the end of Pond Lane (even though i have a huge bag on the kitchen window sill...) i decided some comforting beetroot soup might help me feel better. i got home and was about to plug in the blender having cooked and skinned the beetroot when the power went off (it covered the whole of Essex north of us it seems!)

that was at about 1.30pm. so much for my nice comforting soup. it was the straw that broke this camel's back. so i phoned mum before i broke down. i carried on with my smoked cod's roe - on bread though not toast hoping the power would return in time for me to carry on making my soup.

in an attempt to combat the saltiness of the roe i decided to try putting some lemon juice on it. however we only had some frozen slices which were stuck together. in the process of trying to separate the slices i managed to puncture my finger with the knife. although the wound isn't wide it is deep - judging my the subcutaneous tissue that started appearing from the wound.....

it was the final straw. even a phone call to mum couldn't contain the tears. so decided to talk a walk down the road to the doctors using the finger as the reason, even though the wouldn't wasn't all that worthy of a nurse, however my mental state was. of course being "one of those days" and in general the way my life goes, there wasn't a nurse at the surgery this afternoon. i could have gone to the sister surgery but i don't really know the HCA who was working there this afternoon anyway. but just getting out and talking to the receptionists helped slightly.

i got back home just before 3pm was about to consider ringing a tea room nearby to see if they had power when i heard the welcoming sound of the hum of the fridge. so no need to pay for a cuppa somewhere else after all.

when i was walking back from the doctors i saw an Indian woman delivering takeaway fliers. i was placing bets with myself as to whether she would put one through our letter box, despite our "no junk mail" sticker. of course she did. and my mood and the day so far i decided I'd return it to them by post - hence the photo at the beginning of the post - and i must say tearing up the flyer did relieve some tension and stress!

Blogging Live from a Hatfield Heath Sofa!!

finally up and running!! i am typing this live from the sofa, all wireless! when David handed me my laptop last night and told me it was sorted i actually hugged him!! i was contemplating kissing him, but could pluck up the courage for that one.

i managed to control myself last night and still turned my light off at 11pm and i even still had battery power left! but there's a warning triangle showing now which means less than 25% left. but I've set up a power plan for when I'm using the Internet so that the screen brightness is down on the lowest setting.

hopefully this morning David will finally finish the last bit for the downstairs bathroom. it's looking great....

apparently there one bit of kick board left to finish and the it's completely done -well i still think it need something on the end wall - a photo or something.

anyway once that's done, we're off to The Company Shed in Mersea for lunch. Yummy!! i fancy razor clams (even if they were done in butter, i can try and let most of that drip off...) and crab. i like their seafood platters but I'm not that keen on the smoked mackerel and smoked salmon, or the prawns for that matter.... guess I'll see what there can do separately when we get there. i wouldn't mind a crab just to myself,

well maybe i should have half as is lunch time. next question - do i take bread or a pitta bread?

The Joys of a laptop

tonight the laptop worries and doubts are fading. today i installed both Norton 360 and office. i registered windows and Norton online, however couldn't find how to register office, but when i opened word tonight to transfer these blog entries that i had already typed in word pad, it then told me to register. by that time of course i had disconnected from the phone line upstairs and had moved to the dining table. when i clicked cancel it told me i could open office 24 more times without registering then i would expire. so i am back to typing in word pad for fear of using up those 24 chances.

however tonight proved another good side to the laptop for all of us to benefit from. when mum and i were in tescos they had some reasonably cheap DVDs, i spotted "stranger than fiction" which stars Emma Thompson. I'd seen her on BBC breakfast a few months back talking about the film. so we got it tonight when in tescos. but then when we were unpacking the shopping mum pointed out something that we had both forgotten about which is the fact that the HDD/DVD player has given up the ghost, and in fact at the moment there is a DVD of the modern version of "Alfie" stuck in the damn machine which now simply refuses to even turn on! so anyway we've had a nice evening watching the film on the laptop. the sound quality was good.

i had one small issue though - there is one pixel right in the middle of the screen that doesn't work it seems. its fine typing this, i don't notice it at all as the background is white. but when we were watching the film i found it so annoying. technically its a fault with the product so there shouldn't be an issues with getting it fixed i would hope. seen as I've only had the product a week and with the guarantee and extended cover I've paid for etc. David wasn't so sure though. so i will give comet a ring. mum was asking if i had to get it fixed whether all the stuff I've installed etc would be lost. but unless they can't just change the screen and have to give me a brand new machine that shouldn't be an issue.

i really should turn my light off and go to sleep. i can see when the wireless is up and running i am going to have trouble turning this off even more. i have to be in Harlow by 8am tomorrow morning. its flu jab time of year again and once again i have volunteered to help at Lister medical centre with David. I'm really not looking forward to it tomorrow. i just really don't feel in the mood. however apparently there were only 1000 jabs to start with and one of the GPs has been giving it to all the eligible patients he's seen in the last few days so with a limited number f jabs to give it should be a short morning.

to be honest though i am starting to dread and hate this time of night again. my dreams are upsetting every night again, not in a nasty way, bu more to do with the people in them or the places. I've had dreams about being in hospital again recently or things like self harm which have landed me in hospital. last night the upsetting thing was a person - Hazel Bailey my old German teacher from the college. i think about her often. i guess i kind of miss her. she's someone i respected, trusted, looked up to and i guess in someways depended on whilst i was at the college. know i was one of her star pupils and i don't care if the other kids thought i was her teachers pet. that woman helped me gain more confidence and belief in myself than anyone else ever has. for some reason my father's been popping up a lot recently. that's always a distressing one. it just means i dread going to sleep though because i don' want to dream. as far as i know though there's no way to stop dreams.

i ordered some flowers today to be sent to the hotel for mum and David. 3 gerberas, each in a bud vase. and I've started work on ideas for the picnic basket. so far the menu is:

· port and Stilton pate
· smoked mackerel and avocado pate
· Melba toasts
· bacon mushroom and rocket quiche
· quails eggs and watercress salad (details still to be decided on that one)

and for pudding a little individual tiramisu each.

11.13pm time to face the dreaded sleep, never mind only 7 hours til i have to wake up again, lets hope they pass quickly.

Would a Singles Night be so bad?

i was watching the Restaurant tonight on BBC2 and the challenge was for them to host a singles night. one couple did a fun filled jungle evening, with a love shack and silly games and the other did a romantic more sedate evening.

i'm not sure which i would have prefered. i don't think i'd have the confidence for the games and love shack of the jungle evening but then the romantic evening looked a bit boring. the entertainment there for the night was a raffle!

made me think it would be a way to possible meet people. something to look into maybe. but then it would probably involve going to a pub. my problem is the type of people i look for and the things i look for in them. i'm just one big snob really!

so what am i looking for? well, i want someone older than me for starters. but then how much do i tell them about my past. that big black hole that i seem to fall back into. that huge invisible suitcase of baggage that i carry with me. that drags me down. goodness knows huge much it would cost me in excess baggage if i was flying with Ryan air. it would never fit within their 15kg weight limit...

i don't care about colour, creed, race, size etc. i think thats one good thing about my personality - my ability to accept others whatever their race, nationality etc.

my dream guy though would be scottish, with a thick scottish accent. he'd be a farmer or a fisherman, we'd live in a little croft on the coast. we'd have access to the sea and have a couple of our own lobster and crab pots. i'd have a huge veggie garden and grow all types of produce. we'd have chickens, who would lay us eggs.

but thats all it is - a dream.

back to reality and i've been thinking about mum and david's anniversary. it's their 3rd. the traditional gift its leather, the modern is crystal, the flower is fuschia and the colours are white and jade green. they're going away for 3 days from the 29th and i know i told mum i'd be ok but i'm starting to worry and panic. i don't know what i'm going to do for those 3 days. i was thinking maybe i should go away myself. then at least i wouldn't be stuck at home and driving myself mad. i haven't found anywhere that i really want to go as yet. becasue it is mid week there aren't any festivals etc so i guess it needs to be somewhere with somewhere to visit. i just can't think of anywhere though.

i'm going to make up a picnic basket for them to take on their journey down to dorset for lunch and then also have some flowers send to the hotel room. it works within my budget that way.

the question still remains though - what the hell am i going to do??!!

Bring back 80's kids TV

BBC breakfast TV this morning was talking about children’s TV and how that only 17% of kids TV these days is "home grown", so made in the UK. They were saying that there are more cartoons these days and not as many factual or drama programmes for children. So I thought I’d list the things I remember watching on TV.

· Mr Ben
· Bertha
· Charlie Chalk
· Fireman Sam
· Sharkey and George (US I think)
· Poddington Peas
· Play Days
· Spot
· Blue Peter
· Byker Grove
· Art Attack
· The Really Wild show
· Morph and the art show he featured on - can't remember the name of it.
· grange hill
· live and kicking
· the racoons (US)
· postman pat
· noddy
the demon headmaster

I know noddy is still going today, (although it has been digitally remastered and now looks more like a computer game!) and also the really wild show, art attack, blue peter. I’m not sure about grange hill; I think it is still going.

Things like postman pat and fireman Sam are available on DVD and video I think. So parents who remember then could show them to their kids that way. I know I would.

I caught a glimpse of a kids programme on BBC the other afternoon, it’s this latest craze called Lazy Town, which seems to be set in the future and the space age. The main character is a young girl who has bright pink hair. With one other real human being and then the rest of the characters were cartoons. What confused me though (as I think it is supposedly a "home grown" programme) was that the main character has an American accent yet every other character has a British accent.

One programme I do think it positive these days which is aimed at pre teens I think is Tracy Beaker, based in a series of books. It looks at children’s home, fostering and adoption - dealing with real issues as well as the light hearted day to day stuff of a pre teen likes fashion and boys etc. In my list it was Biker grove that used to handle these issues.

The news says teenagers are the most poorly served with TV. With channel 4's hollyoaks being the only programme really. But I never watched hollyoaks as a teen, but then we all know I was never a normal teen!

Surely these days’ teenagers are probably more likely to be online, on msn chatting to friends etc than sat in front of the TV.

And anyway normally in the news they are constantly saying that kids should be out and about playing with friends, being active, so they don't become obese! So which is it more British TV? Which they want the government to put more money into. Yet then you can guarantee that they will say kids are sitting in front of the TV too much again.

Talk about mixed messages!

The Start of Another Chapter

Ok, so I have my new laptop. no internet yet so this blog will be started off line and then copied into this new blog that I am going to try and keep up with later on. That’s once I’ve decided on which blog site to go with. One with simple templates and easy to use is what I’m looking for. There are so many to choose from these days though.

I was starting to have regrets about getting this laptop. I think it was doubts put in my mind by mum. She kept asking me why I needed one. I know it was more because she doesn't understand the want for one as it’s not something she feels she needs herself. But she made me feel like I didn't really need to spend all that money on one. But sitting here lying in bed, being able to type out my thoughts a lot quicker than writing in my paper and pen diary makes me realise why I wanted one. And even though I can't connect to the web yet and do this direct to a blog it’s still a lot easier.

We had a really strange phone call tonight. The phone rang 3 times within the space of about 10 minutes. I was downstairs and mum had picked it up upstairs as they were on the computer. Turns out it was some guy called Paul who said he was from Jamaica. Mum said he certainly sounded like he was from there and the phone line sounded like he was called from the other side of the world too. Anyway he firstly said a friend had given him a phone with David's number on it. Not only did he know David’s surname, he knew his Christian name too when mum asked who gave him the phone he said "you'd be surprised” it was seriously weird and doing 1471, it just said the number wasn't available which it what it normally says for an international number. The closest we know to anyone in that side of the world is David's boss who is on holiday in Florida at the moment. But David said that Tracey said she wasn't taking her phone with her as it didn't work in the USA. Very very creepy.......

It’s one of those situations that you really wish you knew the answers too but know you probably never will.

Ok, now I really I wish I had the net now, I’m so bored. All I can do it transfer my photos. I’m typing this in WordPad because I don't even have office installed yet.